repulsion

repulsion

is a
natural
force

two      magnets
won’t make out;

instead they do that
handshake fake-out


a glib ellipse
a slick oblivion

a refusal you can feel
a pregnant equilibrium

an offering
of opposition

promising,
through negation,

precision

(what
we think

we’re not)

gives us an edge

but
two         poles
oppose
each        other
because
they are
alike

repulsion

is
 a lookout
point

from which to troll
the parts of us we wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole

I was born without a boundary
and so I've made a moat
to keep the dragons close to me
while I go out and float

hypnotist

I dreamed of a hypnotist who could stop a heart
he turned the volunteer away from us;
if love or warmth filled her eyes,
her heart would keep beating
he whispered in her ear and
thumped her on the back
when she came to,
she said it hurt
I clutched her
in a big hug
to fill her
back
up

Contortionist

a woman will fit anywhere

bend over backwards,
conform to any margin

slim as a pencil
tucked behind your ear

or a ribbon on your lapel

slim as the silence
between your words

can of worms

if you are anything like me

you are sometimes afraid 

of what is on the inside

but without oxygen
this can of worms 

would surely die

if play our lives backwards

the bright swan between us rises,
a falling star in reverse,
low tide of our shining origin
exposing the trash and treasure
between where we stand and stood
the moon slow-talks its blank verse
makes us repeat it back:
blink and long, the stretch of the sand
how the sea licks your name
licks it from the earth, the damp relief,
the mouth of it

You Can't Put That in There

When I was 37, my partner came into the room with a handful of sticks. He had pulled them out of the garbage disposal. “You can’t put that in there,” he said. He thought it was I who had done it, rather than my 8-year-old. 

When I was 8, I was alone in the house and the phone rang. A man started asking me questions. Questions that made me feel uncomfortable. I thought it was my dad’s friend Ken, who ended up in prison. Maybe it was. He asked, “Would you like it if I licked your toes?” I laughed politely. “How about if I put my tongue in your pussy?” 

You can’t put that in there.

When I was 16, my brother’s friend Jeff came into my room while I slept. He laid on top of me and forced his tongue into my mouth. I fought him for several minutes. I fought him with my body. I fought him for my body. I said no. I said stop.

You can’t put that in there. 

My partner thought I had put the sticks in the garbage disposal. What would and would not go down? How big could the sticks be? I cut some flower stems and put them in. A couple hours later, the machinery stopped working. I told my partner that the garbage disposal was broken. I had a puzzled look on my face. He took it apart and then brought me the flower stems he’d found inside. “I think it’s from these,” he said. 

You can’t put that in there.

When I was 24 and working at Home Depot, my coworker Angelo asked me to go out. I went out with him on New Year’s Eve. He made us drinks. He pulled down his Murphy bed, and kissed me there. I wanted to leave, but he wouldn’t let me. He got on top of me. He removed my pants. He raped me. I said no and Angelo raped me. I said no. 

You can’t put that in there.

Ken. Jeff. Angelo.

I said no.

And I would feel guilty if I said their last names. 

You can’t put that in there.